your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
