she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
