this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
