you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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