I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
