There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
