you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
