You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
