I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
