I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
