i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
