My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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