He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
