Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
