i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
