I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
