I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
