woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
