I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
