I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
