She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
