why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
