you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
