You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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