its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
