The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
