3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
