Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
