How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
