Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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