the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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