dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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