Having a random hookup so left but love u
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
