My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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