is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
