Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
