don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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