porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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