What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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