you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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