I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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