i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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