I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
