There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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