OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
