Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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