Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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