...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
