im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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