this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
