woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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