pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
