my vag is so smooth its legendary
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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