It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
