and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
